heya..


some things happened this week.


the usual things happened, lessons, tutorials, got back history midterms (C+). was on my way home after soci midterms on wed when mum called and said my dajie was admitted into NUH. naturally i asked why didn't she tell me earlier so i cld go visit her aft my lessons and asked her what had happened but she refused to tell me more and said she'll tell me the details at home. of course i felt worried and had a bad feeling about it.

bought dinner and ate in front of the tv as usual. checked econs midterms and cursed myself fr being a litttle bit hopeful.

mum and bro reached home. nagged at mum to tell me what happened. bro told me. dajie was admitted to hospital cos her white blood count unusually high. and it was really really really way rocketsky high. god. she was transferred to NUH and they ran some more blood tests on her and confirmed that it was leukemia.

leukemia.

took a minute to take in the word.

it's a familiar yet foreign word.

it's a word you hear slash see slash watch on old soppy cliched korean dramas.

it's a word you read in lurlene mcdaniel's one last wish foundation series.

it's a word you read in papers and in emails.

but not a word you will expect to hit you so close at home.

god.

so i just felt a bit dazed after bro told me. he went off to bathe. i sat down and thought fr a long while.

my first thought was: were there any symptoms?

yeah. sis had this fever slash cold slash cough slash bodyache kind of sickness going on fr some weeks. she's been feeling worn out and showing signs of fatigue.

but we assumed that it was because she changed her job recently and it was a more high-stress job due to her demanding nitpicking bosses.

then i felt like blaming someone. so i thought of all those darned doctors sis had consulted fr her persistent cough. why didn't anyone of the stupid damned doctors realise that my sister was sick, was very very sick?

of course that's childish.

leukemia often goes undetected cos the symptoms are so vague.

okay. brother did say that sis's leukemia is the non acute kind, so it's not life-threatening at the moment and it's chronic leukemia which can be suppressed by lifelong medication. but it cannot be cured.

but i just felt so scared.

cried.

cried with mum.

cried and cried as i thought of poor sis who is still so young.

cried as i thought of my small nephew and niece.

cried at the unfairness of it all.

falling sick is never justified.

especially sickness which you know has no real concrete cause. some cancers like lung cancer you can blame it on yourself, your own bad smoking habits. but not this. and a lot of other cancers.

i felt angry too.

kept asking myself why, why, why, why, WHY.

mum said we must be strong. we must be optimistic and pray for the best fr sis. sis is strong. she will pull through this.

*

went to visit sis with mum on thursday night after lesson. like i guessed when i googled in the morning fr info, the type of leukemia was Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML). CML occurs when chromosome 9 and chromosome 22 in the body swap places. sis's doctor-in-charge came in to talk to us and gave us further details on CML, the medication and all.

felt much more reassured.

sis was looking pretty optimistic as well.

felt sad.

but didn't show it of course.

visited her again tonight and the final test which confirmed that it was CML (the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome) and she wld be able to take a certain kind of medication which will work in treating CML.

sis looked more tired tdy.

nephew and niece were so sweet. my nephew is a very intelligent child.. he understood that his mum was very sick and was very concerned and quite upset although he tried to hide his feelings.

there's this experiment trial with a new type of medicine (just out fr 5-6yrs) which sis can take part in. sis and bro-in-law are trying to decide on whether sis shld go fr the trial or just take the "old" medication.

erjie said things are looking bright fr dajie cos with medication, CML can be suppressed and dajie's lifestyle can go on as per normal. and there're always new medicinal drugs being created. the current medication is also tested to be very effective in treating CML. so long sis doesn't give up on herself or stops her medication due to financial considerations.

*

it's like.. my family had been experiencing a lot of joyous tidings. my bro's wedding in november, my erjie who gave birth recently to a healthy baby boy who just turned a month old.

then this.

it's really like a bombshell.

but we must all stay strong.

since it has happened, we can't unwish it away.

*

still feel like as if something is weighing down on my heart.

sis. 加油。i love you.

*

my birthday's coming. which is good. so that i can make my birthday wish fr sis, to wish that dajie will pull through this and stay healthy and strong and optimistic.

**