what am i doing online?? normally will be giving tuition at this time of the day on sundays. but i cancelled today's class cos fell sick. bad diarrhoea. oh but that's the reason why i'm ranting on my blog now. damn pissed.

pissed with the tuition job. some problem cropped up with the head of the centre but he hasn't given any form of explanation. so one of the teachers (X) was put temporarily in-charge. i only had A's number, but B was A's cousin so A can pass the information to B for me. didn't hv C's number, so went to X for help last night. X didn't hv the list as it was at the centre so she said she'll help me contact C this morning before the lesson started.

and i just received a call from X saying that there were some problems. C's parent got very mad about the cancellation of class today. at first i was a bit shocked and couldn't really hear clearly what X was talking about. but as X spoke on, she said she'd forgotten to call C this morning. she went on to say C's parent said she wanted to withdraw her kid from the class, and asked if i wanted to call the parent to explain and dissuade her from doing so.

i felt like saying, "Huh, you didn't call C? I thought you told me yesterday that you'll help me?"

but what i said was, "Sorry sorry. Ok i'll call the parent. I should do it anyway."

=/.

granted that i shouldn't put the blame on X. i shld have called her in the morning or send her a sms to remind her. but i'm sick what...... shouldn't i be resting? although i did wake up early in morning to keep trying to contact A and was so relieved when i finally got through to her parent. and i trusted that she'll be responsible enough. maybe i should have just smsed her then.

but that's not the point.

all these maybes and should have beens.

no point in dwelling in them.

but i concluded that i will definitely quit at the end of year.

and i'm angry with myself. why do i always present myself as someone who can be pushed arnd someone who is always unsure of herself, someone who is weak, someone who is meek, someone who will not get angry under all circumstances?

don't i have a right to be angry at X for not being responsible?

or am i just being goddamned self-righteous and self-pitying, just on the pretext that i am sick.

i guess that's what's called the world out there. who cares if you are sick? who cares if you are dying on bed? so long you don't do what you are expected to do, you will have to shoulder the blame. nobody will sympathize with you and say, oh your poor thing, don't worry, since you're sick, you rest well, leave it to me.

but, shouldn't X at least say a word of apology?

i don't care. i did what i cld, within my means. if the parent wants to drop her kid from the class, i don't give a damn. if the centre wants to sack me because of this, i don't give a damn. but they'd btr give me my pay fr the august lessons. i don't care anymore about this responsibility shit.

bahh.

*

boohoo. i think i'm getting more emo these days. got to re-learn how to suppress my emotions.

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