8july:-

boo.

been feeling zzZzzz fr the past few days. late hours are bad for skin too but somehow i cant myself to settle down to sleep so early. plus i hv not been able to lead the sleep-at- 12mn-1am-and-wake-at-10-11am lifestyle cos been gg out quite early. meetin sher super early tmr too. guess i shall try to be guai and not to sleep so late tonight.

*

was on bus31 today when this guy in his late 40s boarded the bus and started shouting at the top of his voice at still air. he spoke in dialect and kept saying, "I'm dying!". then he banged his head against the handrail at the back doors. he walked further and stood beside me (i was seated) and started his shouting again and gestured wildly at something outside the bus window. he banged his head again, this time at the handrail in front of me.

so i sat very still in my seat and kept my eyes intent on the tvmobile screen in front of me.

=/.

it's quite sad when you see people who look hale and hearty but are actually facing mental problems. when your nerves snap and when you lose control of your mind, it's really scary. you just lose yourself completely. whatever you once were, it wld be gone once your senses leave you. whatever success you once held, whatever happiness you once owned, it will all amount to nothing. perhaps that's the price to pay for one to forget whatever stress or troubles or trauma one had been facing. maybe it's alright for the person himself who had gone mad and had abandoned all reason and logic. but his family will suffer the brunt of his madness. what if he had an old mother whom he had to take care of? what if he had a wife and young kids whom he had to provide for? what if he goes into one of his mad moments and start being violent?

=S.

9july:-

=X.

my feet are dying. wore new shoes tdy and walked up and down the hills of ntu. actually we were on the right pathway and thought that we should reach the place as we traced our route properly with the campus map, but the pathway just became narrower and narrower and more ulu-ated looking, so we gave up and u-turned. thereby we proceeded to tk the bus and missed the last bus stop and the bus turned into PIE and out of ntu. =///. we took the bus back and walked, climbed, walked again and finally reached our destination.

*

i wonder why human life is so fragile. maybe there are some things that i am unable to understand and not in the position to judge, but i wish you can take your life more seriously and take more care of yourself. pls pls pls be strong. there is a new life waiting for you, a promising future that will unfold, once this period is over. in less than 2 years, 1.5years at most, you'll be "freed" le. friend, pls stop being so negative and making all of us worry for you.

"Suicide is like eating."

i thought and still think that this statement is scary.

why is it that there are people, who are more unfortunate than us, who've suffered more tribulations that us, who're born with disabilities, who can still manage to survive and undergo all the sufferings and not give up on life? whilst there are people who are so much more fortunate as compared to them who cannot deal with their problems positively and treat death as a form of escape? people will never cease to compare. but we only tend to compare with those who reap more success than us, who lead better wealthier lifestyles, those who have "more" than what we have, but never stop to think of those who have much less than what we have.

friend, i don't know what kind of sound advice i can give you. like what you said to A, after some time, you realised that we all tell you the same thing repetitively. that's the point. you weren't listening. but i know i'll regret, i'll really really regret should something really happen to you. *choy*

friend, pls sort out your thinking soon. stop succumbing to the idea of giving up and bringing things to an end. that's not the way to end things. some things, you've got to face it straight in the face.

**