heyyya.

hmm. according to my hp and comp clock- the time is 11.29PM. oh it just turned 11.30PM. this means there are officially 30 minutes more to Friday, 2nd March. why this sudden precision about time and dates? wells. i suppose the answer is clear to all who took cambridge "A" levels this november. whether or not confident, i'm sure every candidate will be nervous in their own way. the highfliers will be feverishly hoping to get their 4As plus distinctions. i'm on the other extreme end. feverishly hoping i'll be able to make it to university. counting As have never been a habit of mine in my 2 years of jc life. i'm not being pessimistic. just being practical. =/.

mixed feelings. ambivalent. i do feel numb. with those rumours that claimed the release of results will be early feb, till it should be before cny, then the week right after cny, till this official date. i feel panicky. i feel scared. i feel worried. this concerns my future directly. naturally i will want to not do badly. i've never been the exactly competitive sort, but i hate feeling lousy about lousy results. and i can't imagine how i'm supposed to handle the disappointment, the dismay, the regrets, if i do not make the mark. and of cos the family bit. the guilt of being such a failure in a family of scholars. i feel silly getting the jitters about getting back results. this is something i must face up to, that i can't escape from, but i'm still wishing that i'll never have to know the truth. and it's better to know the results, for worse or for better, so that i can move on and make new plans for my future accordingly. =X.

obviously i'm contradicting myself. i AM being pessimistic. but it may not be, in a way, pessimism. it may just be facing bare facts. whatever it is, i think i can deal with pessimism turned a pleasant surprise, rather than optimism turned a whole world turned upside down. =S.

listening to hei se mao yi over and over again.

had been thinking of what song could soothe my current weird mood.

it's such a nice song.

11.56PM. =!. how am i supposed to wake at 6plus tmr morning? i can't imagine.

anw went to see hj off. she's gg to hangzhou for 4 months with np. booo. why can't i pack into a 3rd luggage bag and fly off with her?? haha. immersion programmes are so nice.

haven't been thinking much about tdy (12.01AM, 2 March 2007). i guess hanakimi is a good distraction=). liking xiuyi more and more:). QUAN:D.

okkay. sleeping monster's on its nightly prowl! g'nite!!

jaaaa.