[#78]

"fragile glass heart. please do not break it. once broken, considered sold."

hahaha. nah. not referring to myself. my heart isn't made of plastic, but at least it isn't glass. lol. but still feelg dumb. wondering why i'm not crying.. let me recallll. i remember being a water tap in pri sch whenever i score badly. haha.. one vivid experience was when i cried after getting bad marks for a particular sci test. i was cheng qiang-ing i think. then as me and some of my friends were walkg down some corridor, i burst into tears. waa. like so paiseh can. yucks. what kind of lingo am i using? hahaa.. whatevs. yaa.. so, i will always cry due to poor results.. used to gt caned, until kor stopped mum when i was somewhere in p5/p6. hahx.. thinkg bck, so did i cry cos i felt sad about the results or did i cry cos i know i will be caned? cant remember.. in dhs, at first i will still feel worried and scared and sad when my results come bck in a mess.. but after some more times.. i guess i really got tired of the feeling. felt immuned. ma mu-ed le. which is rather bad. then will start mockg at myself. but when i get hm.. it's a diff thing ba. but durg sec4 period i think i started crying again. haha.. was it durg the prelims? i guess so ba. it came as a shock. real shock. when i gripped the AM test paper and calculated the few mrks i got. i forgot which shocked me worse. AM or EM. i jux rmbed i failed both if i'm not wrong?? or was it only AM? yaa i think only AM. EM scraped through.. and i cried.. thnks jun, for consolg me at tt time.. yaa.. she was sitting beside me. i felt such a loser. felt the pits of the pits. was convinced i was the lowest and all that sort of shitty thing. haha... felt utterly disappointed with my eng as well. then hcl hit me with the B3 with a slap. haha..

talk so much.. guan jian hai shi zhe ci de econs ba.. hmmmm.

had a little bit of urge to cry a few times.

but i didn't. *patpat*

i think the most impt thing is not that i didn't cry. it is that i muz really learn from this, this time round. and stop wallowg in self-pity or self-mockery and not do anything about it. yep. yc, playtime is over~ fan zheng life in tj can't be more boring, might as well conc on ya studies yea? =)

no one can help you but yourself..

and ohh yea, thnks sh and shawn for the convos. whee~ =) u 2 didn'tt do much la, honestly. hahaa.. but i jux felt so much btr aft talkg to u 2. *grin*