[#54]

c'mon, congratulate me.

i've begun to feel the stress. stress has finally realized it had forgotten to come to me and wrap her cold arms around me. ergh. i'd rather not feel it. but not feelg it makes me even more worried. stress has unfurled and is startg pile on me! am i supposed to rejoice? hurray! actually, i'm do feel relieved. feelg the stress is the first step. it may lead to further disasters but hmm.. it will actually wake me up from my sweet dreams and fling me back to reality. yeaa. reality is full of thorns, but i do want to taste the sweetness of success behind those thorns. who doesn't want to pass JCT? who doesn't want to see nicer lookg grades on the JCT result slip (or whatever that thing is called.) who doesn't want to see at least a B? instead of Cs and Ds? hm. don't regret not taking chemistry. i know i'm not the sort who thrive under stress.. but doses of stress can help jerk me back from sleepg thru my days.. dollops can turn harmful.. when i will start to get frus and tear my hair from the unsolvable maths and undigestible econs. ahaha. dollops reminds me of honey. dollops of honey.. woowhoawee.

been thinkg about ccas. or rather PDPs, as they call tt in tj.[ horrible name btw.] thinkg about exco.. comm.. hrmhrm. i hadn't wanted to join hustgs of any sort cos i wanted to have a life. to have a life can mean many things? have a life as in have a boisterious and busy JC life, filled with activities and responsiblities and such? have a life as in being able to go home early, hope to have a gdnap and rest before wakg up to deal with hw and revisg? have a life as in slackg thru your days, and only panickg when major tests arrive? mmmmm. i know i can't have the first type of life. i can't deal with too many things at a time. maybe i have the capability to do so, but i don't wish to stretch myself to that extent. i don't see what's the point of makg myself so tired and stressed with many different things on hold.. (ie PDP, studies. alot huh? ohyarr, and family) i will eventually just indulge in the things i'll enjoy the most, put in all my efforts for enjoyment, and leave the stuff that are impt to me (academics, ie?) aside.. when i fail, i will see my faults laid out clearly. but will i bother to change? i won't. how many times have i sighed, cried, fretted when i failed at some point of time? and how many times have i forgotten all those mistakes, and making them all over again? vicious cycle that goes on and on. yeaa. so, i'm not cut out for this kind of life. i don't have dollops *this word again! fave wrd of the day* of determination, drive, ambition. yarr. but then again, hmm, how can i be so sure that i'll get it if i run? lol. yar, that's another factor. but the point is, i don't bother tryg. cos i've realized it won't do me gd in the long run. maybe i wld have been able to test my limits and challenge myself and probably prove to myself that i can handle all these... but yea. i chose not to. don't think i'll regret. but i realize that i still have to give up some precious revision days for pdp. precious revision days cos i know i'm a time-waster. so i've got to stop wastg time. but it's a habit that is really difficult to kick off. sigh. yaryar. so it all bounces back to i want to complain that i have very little time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so much for such a big chunk of para. xS.

i need to sleep le ba. my nose can't take it anymore. not gg out tmr. hope nose recovers tmr, aka mood will be btr, and studyg will go on smoothly and maths will stop fightg back. x). gdluck yc. ni yao jiayou arhhs. rmb you wanted to prove yourself durg "O"s aft your prelims horrifyg results? didn't really prove anything but there you are in tj. *im such an idiot. NY rocks! seriously. nyjc rooocks* so ya, cont to prove yourself. to your own self.

ja ne.................